Dating in the Middle East: Knowing when it’s time to let it go.

Trying to date someone in Kuwait, or in the Middle East, is an unusual crap shoot, for someone who considers himself as a man with his feet firmly planted on a solid foundation as a man. But I, like most others, work for a company in which the male to female ratio is probably something like 5 to 1…..a horrible ratio. And to work here is to know a few things: one, 90% of guys here are not exactly top notch gentlemen….and two, there are so few women that (a.) some of their minds become so warped into believing they are the bee’s knees, when in actuality, with even odds, a majority of the time wouldn’t be looked at nearly as much, (b.) the few decent women usually are either coming out of something bad (or heading into one) or so skeptical, that they can’t believe anything any man says. Or, they are still “finding’ themselves – which is all to the good, but more often than not – these women, and men too (I’ve done it), usually end up burned for waiting too long.

I know that was a long thought there…

After attempting to date a few of the even fewer decent women, in the shallow end of Kid-urine injected, shitty public pool of people- I’ve decided that it’s time to hang it up. And when I say IT, I meaning trying to date here. I’m not going to head into each of the situations I was in, because….I mean this is Facebook….not classy. But I’ve come to realize that being a good guy, that for the most part has everything together, isn’t enough. There is so much clutter that gets in the way, too many pitfalls and disappointments that these women go through (before I even reach them) for me to have to work through. The windows of opportunity with some of the decent women are smaller than holes NFL quarterbacks throw footballs through.

In the states, you can go out, talk to maybe 7 women, have 3-4 interested, 1-3 numbers taken – on any given night, as long as you’re approachable, funny, etc. You can fail, and yet still succeed. Here, it’s like a high stakes dice game in (the non-gentrified part of) Harlem – the consequences can be severe.

I’ve come to the realization that being over here has been, and is heading into the territory of “a mixed blessing.” I make very good money, and I like being here because of the opportunities, and even some of the people I work with. But it’s hell for a sane, smart, put-together man to find a decent woman. It’s actually become somewhat depressing. I realized all of my odd dating experiences have been here, and not at any point in the states.

What ends up happening is that you end up finding decent women…and simply on the basis of geographic location alone, you are in the hole from the start. Why? The women don’t believe your intentions. They hear everything, from every man, all the time. They are told they are sexy, and this and that…and sometimes it’s true, they are. But if you continue to hear that you’re the best, especially with no basis/reason for it – you’ll believe it, even if you’re clearly not. In the states, that isn’t as apt to happen. For one, the pool of women/men is so large that guys and girls wouldn’t use the same thought process – because they usually KNOW what they are, unless they are ultra conceited, which can be the case. But men and women understand ‘league’ a lot better in the states. There is more of a ‘standard’. (I do say the preceding loosely.)

The other issue is the vast majority of these women have been fucked over in some of the worst ways imaginable. I mean this sincerely….sometimes they are somewhat to blame, but often times, the men are just sons of bitches. And for some reason, there seems to be a LOT of these scorned, distrustful women here. So again, you start out with a steeper grade to climb, because they really have no reason to believe that you’re sincere, simply because you have a penis. And I’m really not being cad about this.

No, let me say this. I’ve wondered if well, it’s not working out for me here, because it’s just not. I’m confident, but I’m not stuck up enough to believe that women can and just don’t feel you like you feel them. That is well and fine. What I’m getting at is that the baseline from which a relationship can even form, is different for men and women here.

I will give you a very roundabout personal experience. There was one woman that I was interested in, that was already pretty damaged by a previous situation (I will not specify the damage.) I went away for, let’s say, business. I knew this woman was in the dumps, and not feeling well. I asked her friend/co-worker, if she was okay. That apparently was the wrong idea. Now, keep in mind that I’ve done this before, with no ramifications whatsoever….you ask their friends on birthday ideas, flowers, whatever. She took it as, I was doing too much – which in any context wasn’t true, in really any context.

Now, asked some people here about the situation, which went down faster than Ryan Leaf’s career, as well as some people in the states. I’d read a Hill Harper book recently, so I was interested in the points of view of others, as did for his book. At first there was a stratification along generational lines, with the younger men and women saying they could see how she could feel that way. The older generation told me she was lucky to even have someone think about worrying about her in basically ANY way – which was telling.

But then, I took a loose, mental tally, and noticed that mostly the people here in Kuwait….in fact, ONLY the people in Kuwait were even remotely critical. That informed me that just maybe…this place just isn’t the ideal place to find a long term relationship – most people end up with an altered mindset from working here, and they don’t have the fortitude to hold tight, and ask themselves, “how would this work in the real world?….because if I end up with this person…that prospect has to be entertained, which requires a different thinking cap”.

So…. then, where does that leave me? I have a few goals I’m trying to hit, while I’m here, and I don’t plan on leaving in the near future. Does that doom me to some sort of forced celibacy…lol? Do I need to just go home? Do I just need to be patient, stay the course, and see what comes around the corner? I suppose I’ll see how it goes…I won’t close the door shut.

With that, I’m certain of three things:

1. This is karma for basically, but respectfully (I was raised well), breaking off relationships with great women I could’ve married, and who flat out told me that was what they wanted. I didn’t wrong them, and I was a good man to everyone I was with – no nasty break-ups. Now, you might say, “Kahron…hey…maybe you weren’t ready for marriage then…and they weren’t the ones for you”, etc. And maybe you’d be right – I mean it’s obvious how I felt, which was why the break-ups happened.

However, that doesn’t mean you don’t carry around at least an ounce of bad juju from that. There is a certain, inherent selfishness that comes with being the one initiating the break up with someone. But I was a man about it all – I admitted mistakes throughout, apologized like a man, remembered things that were important to them, no abuse or any of that punk-ass shit (again, I was raised well), and I really don’t have any specific regrets – you live and learn. I can say I’m still at least somewhat friendly with ALL of them, which is rare for most guys.

2. It wouldn’t be honest and not 100% is I didn’t acknowledge that I’m sure part of this is just loneliness manifesting itself. Being a man with a plan is truly a useless existence without a woman. The right woman, that is. That leads to…..

3. The fact that every man, worth his weight in salt, ends up finally accepting – being an island is largely overrated. And when I say ‘largely’, I mean completely.

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